3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
