So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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