There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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