Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
