dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
