Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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