I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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