k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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