just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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