Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it's like iHOP with fire
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
