I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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