i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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