Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
