my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
