If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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