Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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