She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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