I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
