The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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