You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
