Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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