You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize