if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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