Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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