you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
