he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
