I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
