I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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