Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
