four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
