when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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