She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
