You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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