If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
