just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
how does that bad decision feel?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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