I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize