we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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