I think I died a long time ago.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize