shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
