I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
