Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
