I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
