24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
