Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
