i was rollin on her like bob the builder
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize