I think my fart just growled at me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize