Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
