My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
