I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's the barista slut.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
