i permit you to call me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize