I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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