I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
