so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
