Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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