What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
