Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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