i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
