Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
