So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
