My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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