so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
