Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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