I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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