It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I AM VODKA MAN
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
