I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
