I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
