Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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