Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
