I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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