remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
