hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
