Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
