dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize